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04 фев 11:35Hikoyalar

Bir ayolning hayot sinovlari.

Hayot sinovlari rasm.

Hayot yo'li uydim chuqur deganlari rost ekan. Bolaligimda enam raxmatlik o'zim katta qilaman deb ota onamdan meni olib olgan ekan. Tog'amning farzandi bulmagani uchun 5 yoshimgacha, yani tog'am farzandlik bulguncha arzanda bo'ldim. Ota onam xar dam olish kuni olib ketishardi. Dushanba kuni ertalab yana enajonim oldiga kelardim. Shu zaylda bolaligim o'tdi. O'n-bir yoshga to'lganimda jonajonim enajonim olamdan o'tdi. Enam o'lib qolsa men xam o'laman derdim, yo'q yashashda davom etdim ota onam olib ketishdi.

Endi ota onam bag'rida aka opalarim bilan yashay boshladim. Erkaligim bor edi. Xamma meni erkalatar barcha erkaliklarimni ko'tarishardi. Shu zaylda bolalik o'tdi, ulg'aydim. Maktabni tamomlab o'kishga kirishni orzu kildim. O'zim xoxlagan o'qishga kirishimga uydagilar ruxsat berishmadi. Men qaysar ular xoxlaganga ko'nmadim xullas o'qishga kirmadim. Juda qaysar erka edim. Onam - Xoy qiz birovni eshigiga borsang nima qilasan a seni bu feling bilan bir kun ham olib o'tirishmaydi deya qoyirdi.

Vaqti soati kelib turmushga chiqdim. Oilada katta kelin bo'ldim. Qaynona qaynotamning qaynilarimning xizmatini lom lim demay kildim. Ota onamga raxmat oldim. Qaynona qaynotam qizlaridek ko'rishardi, qaynilarim xam o'z singillaridek (ikkala qaynimdan xam kichik edim) erim biroz sho'x edi, yani ko'cha bolasi kunora ichib kelardi. Lekin tupalon qilmas indamay uxlardi, ammo uyga juda kech kelardi. Qaynonam bolalik bo'lsa insof kirib qolar derdi. Farzandlik xam bo'ldik qizimni dadasidan ko'ra ko'prok qaynilarim yaxshi kuradi deb uylardim, chunki u biror marta ko'tarib uynatmasdi. Onda sonda erkalatib qo'yar, qaynilarim bo'lsa yeru ko'kka ishonmay doimo ko'tarib uynatib erkalatib yurishardi. Umr yo'ldoshimning ichishi bemani yurishlari xaqida ota onamga bildirmas hammasi yaxshi deb o'zimni xammaga baxtlik ko'rsatardim.

Oradan bir yil o'tib o'gillik bo'ldik, farzandlarim orasi bir yosh ammo ular baxtimga yig'loqi emasdilar. O'g'illik bo'ldi endi bu ko'cha bezorilikni tashlar deb o'ylagandik. Yo'q u bu xaqda o'ylamas xali xam ichishni tashlamagandi. Qaynimni uylantirdik. Ovsinim bilan opa singil bo'lib oldik. Oilada qaynona qaynotam qaynilarim ovsinim barchalari meni juda xurmat qilishardi. Balki menga raxmlari kelarmidi bilmadim. Ikki farzandim bor uy joy qilishimiz kerak to'ngich o'gilman degan o'y xayol umr yo'ldoshimning xayoliga kelmasdi. Necha marta gapirsam xo'p derdida o'z bilganini qilardi. Bir kuni paymonam to'ldimi bilmadim qattik gapirib yubordim. Qachon bir ishni boshini tutasiz ota onangiz pensiada bo'lishsa uyalmasdan ularni pensalariga kun ko'rib yuraverasizmi dedim.

Javobi esa - xoxlaseng yasha bo'lmasa ana katta ko'cha bo'ldi. Dilim qattik og'ridi. Axir umid bilan bir yostiqqa bosh qo'yganingdan shu gapni eshitsang juda og'ir bo'larkan. Ajralishdan nomus qilardim. Erdan chiqqan ayol nomini olishni or deb bilardim. Ammo bu gapdan keyin qanday qilib bu inson bilan yashayman boshim qotdi.

- Sizga baribirmi? so'radim.
-Xa menga baribir chidasang shu, bo'lmasa ket meni borim shu o'zgarmiman o'zgartiraman deb ovvora bo'lma, seni xaydamiman o'zing bilasan xoxlasang ket, xoxlaseng yasha, ammo meni o'zgarishimdan umid qilma dedi.

Boshimni ichi xam toshi ham qotdi. Nima qilay ajralishaymi yoki hayot sinovlari shumi, chidaymi. Umr yo'ldoshim uydan shu gaplarni aytib ko'chaga chiqib ketti. Nima qilishni bilmay qoldim. Qaynonamni ovozidan o'zimga keldim.

- Labbay mana xozir biroz uxlab qolibman deya uydan chiqdim yig'lagan ekanman chog'i qaynonam tinchlikmi deb so'radi. Xa xammasi yaxshi deya yana uy ishlariga chalg'idim. Kechga yaqin erim keldi. Birinchi marta barvaqt keldi. Xayron bo'ldim. Uyga kirib qizimizni va o'glimizni ikki tizzasiga o'tkazdida ularni boshini silab sizlar menga keraksizlar dedi. Kuzimga yosh keldi.

-Seni ketib qoldimi deb qo'rkib ketdim. Agar ketib qolsang ortingdan bormasdim. Sen menga keraksan mana shu to'rt yillik hayot yo'limda menga xamrox bo'lganing uchun meni yomonimni xammadan yashirganing uchun meni barcha qaysarligu yomonliklarimga chidaganing uchun senga raxmat dedi orqasidan yana
- Erkalanib ketmagina bu gaplarimga deb kulib qo'ydi. Mendan baxtlik inson yo'q edi bu olamda. Mana azizlar o'n besh yilki hayot yo'llarida bir birimizga xamroxmiz. Hayotning achchiq chuchuklarini birga totamiz. Yaratganga shukur u kishi xozir o'zgargan ichishni umuman tashlagan, ish joyi tayin. Goxida hayotning uydum chuqurlariga duch kelib qolsak bir birimizga dalda beramiz. Yupanch bo'lamiz. HAYOT YO'LLARIDA DAVOM ETAMIZ. (Bir ayolning hayot sinovlari).

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